Well, Valentines Day came and went but not without some surprises. I would have logged in sooner however, I am finally recuperating from an awful illness that hit me like a ton of bricks shortly before V-day. As I look back at my last posting I have to laugh at what I wrote about the atypical giving and recieving aspect of Valentines Day; E ended up giving me flowers and chocolates and I ended up giving him clothes and chocolate. I thought I could get away from the stereotypical gifts but apparently not lol. However, because E and I were quite ill that night, we managed to see eachother for only a couple hours and ever since then, our relationship seems to be on quite a hiatus. Remember what I mentioned about relationships based on texting? The last time E and I saw eachother was V-day and when I tried to talk to him over the phone he acted rudely (mind you I was upset at him and acting rather bitchy) and those five minutes (give or take) are the only means of verbal communication we have had with one another in the past two weeks. Texting is what we have resorted to and now I really wonder if we are going to make it even another week...

One idea I would like to bring to the attention of men is the fascinating ritual of showering a women with affection and attention the first few weeks and month of dating and then they feel like they have done their duty and laze out altogether. It's as if they feel they don't have to win her approval and the courting has ended. It appears to me that they have given me a false interpretation of who they are and they no longer have to show me any courtesy and affection. Now, I am in no way a high maintenance girl but I do have a few demands that I feel are reasonable and they are the following:

* show a girl the courtesy of a phone call, texting is rude and should not be the only means of communication- I can't stress that enough!

* do NOT say you love me if you really don't mean it and if your only saying it because I treat you well, it should mean that you love ME and if you don't know anything about me, how can you feel that affection?

* do NOT say you love me in order to get sex, do NOT kiss up to me, it's like begging, only dogs should beg.

* I do not enjoy clingyness nor am I one to "check up on you", but I do want to know that you want to spend time with me and that I can trust you, I want to feel special just like you do.

* No, messenger and FB are not a means of communication, it's just like texting.

* I recipocate love if I receive love, I recipocate hurt if I receive hurt, in otherwords, I will be a bitch if I feel disrespected.

Well, enough of that!

I've been receiving some much flattering attention from G in the past month, I know that his attention can't be used for anything real but the fantasy of it drives me wild some nights. There are times when I am so tempted to just drive down to see him, I feel like he would be my remedy, that if I disappeared for a few days and spend it with G I could look at life differently, maybe appreciate E more, I don't know, but I feel this longing again for G and that may not be a good sign. Everything seems to remind me of him, like I'm receiving signs and symbolism from television to conversations to even the mountaintops of Mt. Baker that peers through my car window at unexpected times. I feel this intuition, this knowing feeling that creeps up on me and I don't know what to do but lately it sure is telling me that I need a change.