~Taken from March 2008~

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....I have found revelations in my sorrow. One of them is the idea that people will come into your life, for the first or hundredth time, when they are ready. Perhaps F will be the revelations I need. I don't want to get my hopes up because he does seem a little too eager to meet someone he's never spoken to yet, but I can't be a hypocrite, for I want to meet him too.

I want to make a positive change for myself. I just need the strength to do so. I have also made sexual revelations in my need for new experiences. Craving and desires I haven't felt in years or..ever. And this new exploration has brought me back to the passion of writing and through one eye opening book I revealed another revelation; why not have my own blog page? Fuck, how corny is that...here's what I ended it with- My journey began with me, so it should end with me.

I'll try to find something less dramatic from now on in my journal search......

I believe that a new door has opened and for the first time I feel like it's the right thing and it might not have been so easy if I had not decided to give love another chance. This time everything feels so right that I sometimes catch myself smiling when I hear his name or see him texting me:) But the narcisist in me thinks it might be too good to be true and for me, that's usually the case. However, I can't hold back the feelings he gives me; He makes me feel so good about myself, this confidence I feel has got me thinking that I am worthy enough of a good man..and the way he holds me and makes love to me takes my breath away. His name is E. (Taken from Dec/08)

Diary of a 30 day Yoga challenge~



This is what I wrote within my May 2009 challenge in Bikram Yoga (I put more detail in purple):

Instructor-C(Day 1) Love you C! afternoon class - It was great to be back, off for two months couldn't wait to see familiar teachers and students and was secretly hoping F would come back, he was a great motivator for keeping Bikram Yoga in my life.

Instructor-M(Day 2) afternoon class - so interesting to see C's mother teach a class again and this time much more fluid dialogue, she is very soothing but tough, much like C:).

Instructor-M(Day 3) morning class - morning classes are my favorite, they give me so much more energy for the day.

Instructor-M (Day 4) afternoon class - not feeling too well today I'm going to take it easy in class (if that's even possible. when you have M, it's not possible, in fact I don't think Ive gone a day in any class where I have or can take it easy.

Instructor- K(Day 5) night class-very hot but surprisingly comfortable. This would be the first time I meet K, and it's not a positive one, I would soon learn to dislike this woman but feel very good after the class is over and I've released all my pent up hostility lol.

Instructor - E (Day 6) afternoon class- stressed out but very encouraging instructor. E is amazing, she is very soothing but keeps your motivation high.

Instructor - C (Day 7) afternoon class- one week down, I found it went quite fast, feel more energetic. And for the most part, the entire month went a lot faster than I anticipated and I managed to lose two to three pounds.

Instructor - J (Day 8)- afternoon class- went very fast, feel very focused on perfecting poses when I can. J is probably one of the best instructors, she is witty and has given me the best advice in my favorite pose, the standing bow. Plus she helped me breath more naturally, Don't have her too often, which is sad.

Instructor - S (Day 10)- afternoon class- Not going to miss another class again, I could feel it! Yeah I missed Day nine because of things going on between E and myself.

Instructor -K (Day 11)- afternoon class- didn't write anything, guess because it was K's class lol.

Instructor -S and C (Day 9 &12)- Taking two class today, feeling quite calm in the morning class, but died this evening. C was so bent on motivating me that night, but it was too much, didnt want to miss another class again.

Instructor - M (Day 13)- Evening class- quite tired, not sure how this night will pan out.

Instructor - C (Day 14) (Yeah!)-afternoon class- Had some fun company for this class, made it go by quite quickly! OMG, I had the hottest guy beside me and we were cracking jokes the whole class, it was a fun class.

Instructor - J (Day 15) afternoon class - went very well, had lots of energy. Smiles the whole time.

Instructor - X (Day 16) afternoon class- feeling quite tired, wanted to see my baby longer:( I remember that day I saw E at Timmy's and I didn't feel right when I left, like something was missing. And that damn instructor (don't remember her name, that's why there's an X) kept the humidifier on, I actually had to leave the room, first time ever! I came back in as fast as I could but all the students were struggling because the heat was so intense, our skin felt like it was burning.

Instructor- S (Day 17) morning class - (went to see my guy after yoga last night, feeling tired, hope I feel rejuvenated afterwards.

Instructor - D (Day 18) afternoon class - quiet today on Victoria Day, peaceful too. feeling tired and stressed out. I had a short but stressful day at work but was so glad to take D's class, her voice is so soothing and tranquil, I anticipate any class I have with her.

Instructor -J (Day 19) afternoon class - feel tired but energized. hmmm...it seems I feel more energized with afternoon classes.

Instructor - E (Day 20) afternoon class - feel a bit of energy, only ten days left!

Instructor - C (Day 21) morning class - feel motivated, hopefully its a quiet class. C always promises disciplinary action and she gives it lol. Still love her though.

Instructor - M (Day 22) evening class - 2 beers and too much sun, please be gentle on me!! LOL yeah I had a lot of food the day before for dinner, then beers and felt the heat, but the class was still OK, hate to say it but alcohol can sometimes help be more limber in class ( a little, not a lot).

Instructor - D (Day 23) afternoon class- feeling energized, he was an awesome instructor!

Instructor - M (Day 24) morning class - tired...busy day today, hopefully it starts off good!

Instructor - E (Day 25) afternoon class - people are irritable today! want to relieve stress majorly and I get to see my baby tonight!! not much to say about these days, was looking forward to the challenge being over unfortunately, there were many other things I wanted to attend to but the schedule around yoga was stretched and not very flexible.

Instructor - K (Day 26) night class - Was not impressed! She gave me attitude, only five classes left, hopefully I'm not nauseous during class ate less than two hours prior. Oh I was so livid, that cute guy I mentioned in earlier classes, we joked a bit tonight and she was ready to kick both of us out! To this day she is still cold to me, I try to avoid her classes as much as possible.

Instructor - C (Day 27) afternoon class - lots of stress, hopefully its a good class. Lots of stuff was brewing between E and myself, didn't realize it was going to come to a full head in just a matter of days....

Instructor - C (Day 28) afternoon class - SO ANGRY AND STRESSED!!!! C made me go to the front lol, great teacher! E and I got in a huge fight that day plus work, plus family, plus friends=not a happy girl! I also had a panic attack when we reached the floor series. So much pent up frustration.

Instructor - E (Day 29) afternoon class - feeling tired, hopefully my night is better, had a much better night, feeling calm, second to last class, I did it!!

Instructor - D (Day 30) afternoon class - last day...tired! Went to the front of the class, figuring it would be a good one, but he gave me attitude, not a huge fan of D anymore. ~