There is that little demon in all of us that wishes to creep out at our most vulnerable moments; it secrets through our pores, pushes out with our breath and channels itself onto the thing we most desire right at that moment. The motive to be bad, the subconscious telling us to push away our moral fibers and secretly do something that feeds the demon. Two things my subconscious demon preys on : my inability to trust and my inability to have self control. Two ways I feed this demon: I justify any act of my boyfriends social life as either a threat or a means to humiliate me thus holding myself back from him and searching through his open files to find any means of satisfying my distrust. The second is luring myself into vulnerable situations that make me feel powerful and sexy and to justify just how much I feel hurt and abandoned by the one man I truly love...
Another case of the demon effect is the inability to accept positive communication when I suddenly receive it. E has been more that giving of his affections but in some instance it is a bit out of character for him and I feel the tug of insecurity and mistrust that pulls my mind into a whirlwind of assumptions. Have you ever overcompensated your love when you have been a naughty girl/guy? It's classic compensation of guilt behavior but I sit here wondering if that is really the case or I'm finally getting the affection I have wanted all this time from him?
The demon in me fires shots in all directions but one, I need to reassure myself for once that his intentions are truly honorable.
