February Air

Ah...February, the month of love...oh how I'm cringing at the thought of what next weekend will bring. Since I last updated my love life, E and I have had a bit of conflict but on the flip side, he has also told me he loves me. Not sure if that's too soon or not, in fact to be quite honest, I went into this relationship thinking I knew a thing or two and low and behold, I feel more confused than ever. There should seriously be a dating manual because I'm lost as to what to do when it comes to making up, fighting "constructively" and understanding how much time should you put into a relationship. Up to this moment, E and I are not exactly talking to one another, we are texting.

I'm going to detour for a moment and share my thoughts on text communication as well as email communication. ITS NOT A RELATIONSHIP WHEN THERE IS ONLY TEXT AND EMAIL COMMUNICATION. Things get reworded and assumptions are made as to what the other person is really trying to say. That is how fights start and what I find over and over with men is they would rather text you their feelings than say it in person. Oh yeah, how romantic that is to read that someone loves you rather than hearing it and seeing them say it in person, right? Men consider it a form of efficiency, I find it to be a form of disrespect and being a "pussy". As well, there are some who go as far as to break up with you the same way; just imagine you wake up one morning, turn on your PC go to your hotmail or FB and read that you are officially single once again due to the magic of computer technology. It just seems morally unethical that men try to bail out in the easiest possible way. Even better, you go on FB and now all your two hundred and something friends know that you have been dumped and the sympathetic wall postings are starting to come in. If a person does not have enough integrity to have or end a relationship in person, then they have no business being out in the dating world...or they are married lol.

Anyways, as I was saying, E and I are having some frustrations due to the fact that I am feeling very unsure about him and how much I actually trust him. For the first time on Friday, he actually bailed on seeing me and I was pretty hurt. Now, we have this tension between us and my intuitive feelings are making me paranoid as well as neglected. I don't need to be reassured every minute about where we stand, but if something upsets me and a man brushes it off like it's no big deal I start to question if I was overreacting or if he really just doesn't care anymore. Well, for today I'm ignoring him, if he bothers to communicate....unless he calls....:) If he texts, he can go f*#k himself!

As for Valentine's Day, the intolerable commercially marketed day that forces people to reconnect with one another. One thing I can't understand is that so many couple fall for the commercial hype; they go out to eat even though they won't be able to hear each other because the restaurant is packed with endless amounts of other couples bickering. They go to a chick flick or a horror movie so they don't have to talk to one another after the silence at the dinner table and then they go home to have sex. He buys her flowers and/or chocolate, tells her she's beautiful; she buys him either electronic or clothes and tells him she loves him and they are basked away in the heat of the moment. Now, don't misinterpret me, I value the concept and the meaning of Valentine's Day, I just don't appreciate how there is only one day to share love and the meaningless ways people share that day. I would rather stay in, cook him a meal or cook together, share dessert, have a drink, rent a movie and have sex all over the house. Or if you do go out, plan something that involves privacy and a hobby that both of you enjoy together.

Ok, enough of that, I suppose in less than a week I'll know what my Valentine will do for me (or won't do for me). I'm now signing out and going to enjoy the day at a friend's place where I can escape my four walls and stop looking at my phone to ring. oh yeah, and get extremely high..hey what can I say? Maryjane makes it all go away.....